Aspen Hall’s Home Birth

I woke up before the sun with strong pressure waves (contractions). These ones felt stronger and longer than the ones I had experienced the last couple weeks. Still they were spread apart more than 15 minutes. They were strong enough that I couldn’t sleep through them and they required my attention to breathe and relax through them. This made me smile because I know the stronger they are the closer I am to meeting my baby!

I decided to call the midwife. She told me that she believed I would either be in active labor by 10 am or everything would slow down and pick back up again at night. Not only did hearing this make me feel so excited, it also helped me to let go of attachment and to just enjoy what was happening.

We had a normal morning routine with the kids, getting them fed and dressed and getting Lincoln off to school. He absolutely loves school this year and everyday can’t wait to see his teacher. Once Lincoln was off to school, I decided I really wanted to take a walk around the neighborhood with Matthew and Skye. It was a beautiful day for a walk, the sun was shining and the air was cool.

Throughout the walk we continued timing the pressure waves they were nice big hugs around my belly but very inconsistent still. They were close together going uphill and more spaced out otherwise. During the walk we visited my friend Megan Burnside to pick up ‘Mindful Birthing’ for some extra reading if I had some relaxing time. I had heard some amazing things about that book and had already read my birth preparation books multiple times. It was so nice to see her and Melanie Lake who both of which have beautiful beliefs and experiences around birthing powerfully. As we talked Mel mentioned how when there is no fear, there is no pain. Though I had heard that many times, and read it and wanted to believe it, I still had a small amount of discomfort. This caused me to think how much more could I let go of to experience the birth that I wanted.

I had prepared so much physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally for this birth. I believed in the possibility of a blissful and comfortable birth and I wanted that! My beautiful midwife Roxanna was a key part of my processing and working through blocks in preparing for the beautiful birth I wanted.

We pick Lincoln up from Pre-school and went out to lunch at Zupas. It was fun to look around at each other and realize this was possibly the last date as a family of 4. Our lives were about to change so much!

We came home for nap time and I was able to sleep and rest for an hour or so. This was such a blessing! The pressure waves were still strong but not very consistent yet. When the kids woke up they were so loud and playful running around and playing together. As I looked at them I realized, this was not an environment I felt comfortable birthing in.

I remember a story of a woman who would go into labor and then as soon as her kids woke up she would go into ‘mom mode’ and labor would totally stop. This was SO fascinating to me! Could this be what I was experiencing? I mentioned this to Roxanna and she said to get the kids set up and on their way!

Mimi and Papa came to pick them up at 6 pm. I knelt down in front of the couch to relax through a pressure wave and then got up to help get the kids all situated. Papa commented how I didn’t even look like I was in labor. He told Matthew it looked like maybe I would have the baby tomorrow. I smiled and felt proud to know I looked peaceful while in my birthing time and hoped I was closer to meeting my baby than he thought.   

Lincoln was super aware of what was going on and SO excited to meet his sister soon! He kept giving my belly big hugs and kisses and saying “I wuv woo aspen!” Before they left I went back in to sit through another pressure wave. Lincoln came running in to give me one of his favorite flowers, a dandelion. That completely melted my heart!

Even though my pressure waves were still technically ‘inconsistent’, Roxanna had a strong impression that she needed to be here soon. She left her full cart in Costco and ran to get everything and head over.

An hour later, right before the midwife arrived, the doorbell rang and it was Kat and Danny Paniagua with freezer meals! I was so happy to see Kat and thankful for the meal. I joked that if she wanted to come back during the night to be on my birth team she was more than welcome. I had no idea how soon we’d be meeting our baby at that point.

When Roxanna came, they left and we went back immediately into the bedroom. Roxanna gasped with wonder as she walked into our room. The lights were low, candles lit, soft hypnobabies music playing in the background with Christmas lights hanging over our beautiful new Bali Bed we had just recently bought specifically for Aspens arrival. The Atmosphere / environment was perfectly peaceful and dreamy.

It felt SO nice to have her there, like everything was finally in order and I could finally have my baby.

I sat down quickly on the birthing ball with another pressure wave approaching and Matthew sat right in front of me holding me. We started my special birthing time playlist with celtic music and soft piano and cello music. It was so calming and Matthew is so centering for me. I relaxed down completely into him and it felt so perfect to be the two of us. It was such an intimate time, Roxanna gave us space as she prepared a few things and so Matthew and I were able to really connect in between and during each pressure wave.

After a few strong waves on the birth ball I had the feeling it was time to do an Abdominal Lift and Tuck. I am so glad I listened to that prompting and didn’t second guess myself. I felt confident and peaceful just like my birthing affirmations always suggested.

Matthew and I both felt a Yes and Roxanna nodded so we walked over to the wall and positioned ourselves, Matthew standing behind me hands down around my belly. As the pressure wave began, I relaxed myself into Matthew’s body and he gently lifted my belly up and in. There was a small moment when I felt something shift inside me, like a subtle centering and then my water broke!! I was so surprised!! In the middle of the pressure wave I opened my eyes wide my mouth hung open and I looked right at Roxanna. It took me a moment to process it but finally I choked out, “my water”. I was nervous it was leaking all over Matthew’s pants because It was SO much liquid! Matthew quickly started to undress me and Roxanna placed a chux pad on the ground beneath me. At this point I couldn’t stop grinning!! This was happening! Our baby was coming!

I wanted to sit on the birth ball again so we placed another chux pad down and I sat on the birth ball ready to welcome the next pressure wave just in case it was going to be reasonably stronger than the waves before my water was released. I let Matthew know it was coming and he cued me into relaxation by gently saying “RELEASE” this helped me to instantly relax down. I felt the wave completely cover me as I relaxed as much as I could. Then Roxanna gave me guidance that completely empowered me for the rest of my birthing time. She suggested I allow myself to completely feel the swelling of the wave inside my body and feel it completely energize me as I inhale and then let it peak inside me before I breathe it all down and out. She then suggested I might notice a tingling in my body as everything releases. It all sounded SO beautiful and so primal and so feminine. I was excited to try it. During the next wave she reminded me to take a deep breath in and allow it to completely energize me! I felt amazing! Breathing deeply as the wave began allowed me to really use the power of each surge. Before (and in my other births) I was so focused on just relaxing relaxing down down down that I missed the power of breathing it all in really deeply and totally energizing myself.

After a handful of waves like this on the birth ball we decided to go to the bathroom to check me. I leaned back on the toilet as Roxanna felt for Aspen’s head. She could totally feel her and said she was right there pressing down on the lip of my cervix. She asked me if I wanted to also check. I didn’t even know I could do that. I reached up past my perineum with my middle finger and couldn’t find anything. Maybe my finger isn’t long enough I said disappointed. She told me to keep trying so I repositioned and I felt something solid!! I grinned SO big. That was Aspen’s head! Feeling her there right inside me made me so much more excited and committed.

It was time to change positions, Roxanna wanted to help Aspen move a little bit so we could get her around the lip of my cervix. She suggested we start kneeling and then we could move up onto the bed to really guide Aspen down slowly and protect my perineum. I really wanted to have a beautiful pushing experience and to avoid tearing as she came out so Roxanna was really mindful of helping me achieve that.

I knelt down at the foot of my bed with Matthew right behind me pressing on the small of my back with his hand. That pressure was so grounding and calming for me. That is when the photographer arrived. She had been stuck in traffic and we didn’t know how quickly everything would progess. Matthew whispered in my ear, guess who made it, cause he knew I’d be happy but I didn’t say anything. I was so focused!

After a few surges on my knees on the floor, I looked up at Roxanna and said I didn’t want to be there anymore, I was completely done with that position. We climbed up onto the bed side laying and I immediately felt very open and vulnerable. I started to feel nervous and other strong emotions came up. I quickly voiced my emotions saying, “I’m feeling really nervous now.” As I shed a small tear. Roxanna looked at me intently in the eyes and shared some of the most beautiful words about who I was, my power as a woman and my divine role as a mother. She placed a pillow between my knees and pressed into both of my knees with Matthew giving counter pressure on my back.

Together we rode the next wave, stronger and longer and closer together, these waves were SO powerful rippling through my entire body! I continued to breathe so deeply and focused on staying absolutely present. With Matthew lovingly guiding me right in my ear and Roxanna reminding me of my power as a woman I was able to center in and really surrender allowing my body to do what it was meant to do.

I was very vocal at this point. It helped me to relax my whole body into the bed as I opened my mouth and let out these beautiful primal tones. They sounded beautiful to me. In past births I felt a little more hesitant to allow myself to make noises. There was such a power to the waves. My body was truly birthing and I was right there feeling and experiencing all of it. There were a couple pressure waves where I felt myself surrender and let go so completely that there was absolutely no pain or discomfort just incredible power surging through my body. I felt so deeply happy, so blissful! Roxanna said, look your smiling and I continued to smile because Aspen was coming!

Next I felt this incredibly powerful urge to push. With all the energy I could, I pushed so powerfully and I felt her descend so rapidly through my birth canal. Her head was out! I reached down and held her head as I rested for the next wave to assist me. I pushed again and got her shoulders through and then one final push and her whole body came sliding right out of me and I pulled her up and onto my chest.

Laying my eyes on her for the first time, I was so overwhelmed by her perfect little face. I cried and said “You’re so beautiful!” Our sweet lovely Aspen was here in our arms.

Matthew and I were mesmerized and full of so much Joy as the midwives worked around us to clean up, check on baby and check on my perineum and uterus. Because of the amount of bleeding, the midwives continued to recommend to finish with a dose of pitocin to get my uterus really contracting and to slow the bleeding. I hemorrhaged with my other two and I was on my way to hemorrhaging again if we didn’t do something. I was so thankful my midwives were so aware of me and wanted me to have the best after birth experience possible. With the pitocin, the after pains were incredibly strong and I was so thankful to have essential oils to help soften the intensity a little.

The photographer continued to take photos of us together and I was so glad to have her there to capture so many incredible moments.